Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow
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| EVERY BLOODY TIME! | |
| -- TWO WEEKS TO GO -- | |
| Step 1: | Open a textbook. |
| Step 2: | Realise maybe you should have started preparing a few months ago because you understand practically nothing. Panic. |
| Step 3: | Decide your emotional breakdown is enough work for this morning and go on Tumblr. |
| Step 4: | Repeat for the next seven days. Tell everyone you're studying hard, that's why your hair's a mess, your room is a bomb site, and you can't speak in complete sentences anymore. In reality, you're too scared to get out of bed in the mornings because your textbooks will eat you. |
| -- ONE WEEK TO GO -- | |
| Step 1: | Decide it's time to get serious about studying. Open your lecture notes. Begin reading. |
| Step 2: | Wonder when the fuck any of this happened because you don't remember that class at all. |
| Step 3: | Panic. |
| Step 4: | Interrogate your friends about what simple words mean, e.g. "the" "and" "because." They don't know either. |
| Step 5: | Decide to wind down by watching an episode of that new TV series you've been saving up. |
| Step 6: | Emerge after three seasons, two made-for-TV movies and a spin-off that tanked after the first episode and wonder where all your time has gone. |
| -- THREE DAYS TO GO -- | |
| Step 1: | Practice old exam scripts. There's no way they're going to change the format after eight years, right? |
| Step 2: | Wake up every morning and cry into your pillow because you have to keep working or fail the paper and there is no way you're sitting through something this boring for a second time. |
| -- ON THE DAY OF -- | |
| Step 1: | Dress to kill. |
| Step 2: | Walk into that exam room like you own it. |
| Step 3: | Turn over your paper. Find the format is totally different than what you've prepared for. Die. |
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